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Who Else But a Narcissist Can Make You Feel So CRAZY?

THE NARCISSIST (SOME LETTERS WE HAVE RECEIVED)
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

ON BEHALF OF A NARCISSIST'S EX - SOME LETTERS WE HAVE RECEIVED

LETTER #2

"Dear Tigress,

I'm a 46-year-old pile of discarded tears. Old, unwanted. unworthy.

I took a ten-year break after my ten-year marriage to devote to raising my daughter and healing from the pain inflicted by an alcoholic husband so as not to bring any baggage to a new relationship.

I finally opened up in November of 2008 and went on Eharmony and found the "man of my dreams" and we met and dated for just short of a year.

I was dumped on 11/17/09 by my boyfriend (who lives with his parents when not out to sea every other six weeks). He lived 2 hours away from me and I visited almost every weekend when he was home, which wasn't really too much for six months. I was never introduced to any friends, but always given great stories about them and how we would go visit them all someday.

The first 8 months of the relationship was a dream, then he lost his job and re-took up a crack habit which he says was only temporary. He found a local job, but his mood swings were out of control. At the time I thought it was the drugs. I made the mistake of having a conversation with his mother for guidance which she used in November to prove to him I went behind his back, except she told him it was in a backstabbing way, not in a guidance way to help the man you love. Who do you think he believed? His mother had some sort of mental condition and once she decided she hated me, I was out within a 3-week span. He seemed like he was getting his life back on track and got clean in October, but then his mom became a problem, I think that is when she started in on the stories about me, which drove him to escape again. I think he backed me up for a short while, then it became easier to just let me go so he wouldn't have to keep dealing with her. So much for love and fierce loyalty that I was promised.

When I described all this to a girlfriend of mine, she told me he was a "narcissist". When I recently saw something that directed me to your website at Lifted Hearts, I did not know what a narcissist was. When I read all your informative articles on there, the ones that seemed to describe him to a "T" with all his grandiose talk and adulation of me in the beginning, and then the verbal abuse and rages I endured (most times instigated by his mother toward me), losing all sense of myself, walking on eggshells, and taking the blame and apologizing for things I had no idea I was apologizing for, it helped me understand how he was able to dump me cold and never speak to me again. It hasn't helped me get over him, but it has helped me try to begin to understand that it was not necessarily all my fault. Even though he blamed me.

Unfortunately, I did the phone calls begging, and crying, and texts and emails, really in an attempt to just get him to explain to me why, because he completely ostracized me. But no, he doesn't miss me, and certainly now that I've been dubbed a psycho and a stalker (I went up there ONCE) he certainly won't ever take me back. It was not really to take me back; I was just trying to get an answer. After a year of daily talking and texting, the silence has been deafening. I keep waiting for someone to extract the feeling of a knife in my chest, and the constant huge lump in my throat, and pain in the pit of my stomach, as I can barely breathe. On Dec 3 he called on the request of my daughter and said we could be on a break and work on things in a while, but then he blocked my number 1 week later (after a drunk night of crying messages left on his voice mail!! nicely done on my part huh?) On Dec 23 I left a very nice voicemail wishing him and his family a merry Christmas, even though I would really like to shove a car up his mother's butt for the constant maligning me behind my back, and he called me back to tell me to "move on and stop all this." Last week he sent a picture to my phone of him and another girl......I'm guessing to "help" me with my letting go, when all it did was rip me to shreds all over again. He's 50 - never married.

Long story short, it's been eight weeks of hell and daily crying walking around like a zombie. I'm guessing your "Reverse your Break Up - 15 Ways to Win your Ex Back" does not apply if you were dumped by a Narcissist. I know I shouldn't want him back, but I do, and I feel pathetic for saying it. I know he's been sadistically cold and horrible. I just want the guy back that swept me off my feet for 8 months that I had never experienced before. He could certainly talk the talk. We were supposed to elope at Christmas, and our 1st meeting anniversary is next weekend. I know. I know. I'm wallowing. I keep trying to educate myself on your site. Thanks for having it all up there.

Thanks.

Dame 1888 "

Dear Dame1888

Hello, Dame1888. Oh my, typical narcissist!!!! The ostracizing, the complete 'about-face' in caring for you (they can go from loving you to hating you in a split second). You can read some articles on narcissistic men here at the site ...

Please know that when you said "I just want the guy back that swept me off my feet..." that you may not be aware of the fact that the man you remember (the one who swept you off your feet) was never real. What you experienced was the narcissist's fake personality - the fake personality that the 'new woman' is most likely seeing now. You were in love with a persona - a semblance - of a person; he, himself, was never real. It isn't him that you want back, because 'he' is a jerk. It was the man he 'pretended' to be that you love and miss, and want back; a man that really NEVER existed.

May I please post your email on the site so that others may read it and not feel so alone? It would be very much appreciated.

Best wishes, and please try to stop thinking about him. He truly wasn't 'real', but merely an 'act' that the narcissist put on in order to gain your admiration and feed their hungry 'ego'.

Tigress

"Dear Tigress,

I didn't expect such a quick response. Wow. You're good!! Sure, I guess you can post it. I used to be such a toughie, could handle anything thrown my way. I just feel like such a fool and showing everyone else that I am too won't make me feel much better. If I didn't have a job to make me get out of bed every morning, and a daughter to try to avoid letting me fall apart 24/7, I don't think I would even be online looking for help.

And you're right, the ostracizing is the worst pain and punishment anyone can try to endure. I've never felt this kind of pain. Not even after my divorce and several relationships before that. This is just heart-wrenching. Total denial of my existence. I just can't get past the crying stage. And I see how I fit right into his scheme; my father has always been controlling and a child abuser, my mother was submissive and went to her grave early because of it, my older brother was an abuser, my ex-husband was an alcoholic which I endured for years. I am a woman that loves to much, or so I found out when another friend referred me to this site to avoid the loneliness and fear of being left alone and have no worthiness of love, due to the outcomes of all relationships with men. So of course, I thought I could put up with any way he treated me, cuz I've been there done that. What a waste of a year. I did everything for him. He was the reason for my happiness, which I know is also apparently unhealthy! Jeez.

So why don't you start a dating site from all the rejected good people on your site that really just want to be in a loving committed relationship with open honest communication.

Thanks.

Dame 1888"

Click here for LETTER #3

For more information on surviving a narcissist read my digital reports about my own, ten-year experience of living with a narcissist here, at my narcissist advice website, Breaking Up With Your Narcisist

Surviving a Breakup with a Narcissist

Free CSS TemplatesBreaking up with a histrionic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...

....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist!

The narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he once fabricated in order to keep you in the relationship. Click here to read our 'Breaking Up & Dealing With a Narcissist' downloadable pdf ebooks brought to you by Tigress Luv.

Read more details on getting over and recovering from a narcissist in downloadable PDF's

About the Author

Design Blog Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru, has been writing about breakups, relationships, abuse, infidelity, CP, and narcissism for years. You may read more of her articles at Tigress Luv or Breakups.org. Read some of her ebooks on narcissism here.

PDF's and Links

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Read our PDF reports on narcissism

Insightful and enlightening, our downloadable PDF's are informative and healing. You may find them here at 'getting over a narcissist', or click here to find links to read the first page of all four.

More links on narcissism

Narcissistic.co
Breakups.org/narc.html
Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru