The Partner With Narcissistic Issues: Handling Rejection and the Narcissist
REJECTION FROM PARTNERS WITH 'ISSUES' (or with narcissism)
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru
When we are rejected from someone we care about - especially if that someone has 'issues', faults, flaws, or personality disorders, we tend to take the rejection especially hard.
I think what really tears us apart is the blow that this rejection leaves on our ego. We tend to subconsciously value ourselves through our partner's 'acceptance' or 'non-acceptance' of us. So if he or she rejected you for another, we take it personally - believing that somehow we, ourselves, are flawed. It is hard for us to understand that their rejection of us has NOTHING to do with our value as a human being. He/She is not the judge of mankind, so take away that title from them!
When people have personality flaws they tend to be a little 'off' in their way of thinking. Unfortunately, since we are not 'off' in our way of thinking we tend to believe that everybody else thinks as rationally as we, ourselves, do. When this happens we try to place sane reasons and actions to people who have 'issues' and then we, as 'normal thinking' people, start to question ourselves, our value, and our worthiness. We don't understand that it's their perspective of us that is askew and not us, per se.
REMEMBER that there is no making rational sense out of the actions and thoughts of an irrational man or woman - in other words, there is no trying to make sense of the senseless. It just isn't going to happen!
You must please stop trying to place a meaning to his or her madness...as there really isn't any. You can't explain away the actions of those who are 'out of kilter' in their thought process and you certainly shouldn't take it as a real or personal rejection.
Especially when breaking up with a narcissist.
Narcissists tend to leave relationships totally unscathed and quickly move to a new relationship showing an instant and extreme happiness with their new life and partner. We tend to react to this 'new happiness' of theirs as a sign that we were somehow 'flawed' and unlovable.
What we are actually doing is 'reacting' to his or her new-found happiness by stealing away our very own. We become super unhappy that they could so easily walk away from us and are so unmoved and untouched by the experience. What we fail to see is that their new happiness will be short-lived - it's a temporary 'narcissistic supply' and it will leave them feeling good for a while, but it won't leave them feeling normal ever.
Women, especially, become more attached to men with psychological disorders. I think that one reason women become so attached to the man with psychological disorders, or why they grieve so much after leaving him, is their intense need to just have had this man ONE TIME accept them and love them in a normal and gentle way. They probably have never received this from him, and to have never received this must have been be very damaging to their sense of worth.
These women were (and still are) starving for their partner's love, and their egos and pride feel bruised by the fact that they were not 'special' enough to cure all his delusions and bring him to his 'senses'. They feel less than, and lacking in attraction and power.
Because women tend to value themselves through the happiness of their partners and their family (men tend to value themselves through their career and their accomplishments), they more strongly attach to a man with personality issues because they want so badly to be accepted, loved and appreciated by him, and to see that they have made him happy.
For more information on surviving a narcissist read my digital reports about my own, ten-year experience of living with a narcissist here, at my narcissist advice website, Breaking Up With Your Narcisist
Breaking up with a histrionic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...
....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist!
The narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he once fabricated in order to keep you in the relationship. Click here to read our 'Breaking Up & Dealing With a Narcissist' downloadable pdf ebooks brought to you by Tigress Luv.