The Narcissist's Smear Campaign: One woman's journey through the abusive gossip.
THE NARCISSIST AND THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN (READER STORY # TWO)
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru
My Narcissist Story: When a Narcissist Ruins Your Reputation
Okay here goes. It's funny really for a long time I wanted to stand up for myself to tell my side of the story, but nobody cared. Literally NOBODY! It's amazing how unbelievably someone who no one really liked was able to completely destroy my reputation and my life. I'll start at the beginning because it's all so crazy and stupid only linear storytelling can somewhat describe in portion how weird it all was.
I was in the Army, active duty, fought in a war. Numerous awards, security clearance, by all normal means I was and am a war hero. I left the Army and decided to go to film school. Well the school I decided to go to was GI Bill friendly, but also foreign student friendly. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, but later you will see why I addressed it up front.
So I was in a class of pretty much all foreign students (mostly male), except one other American female. I became friends with and later – unfortunately – sexually involved with a "French man". I knew he was a bit of an ego-maniac but I didn't really take it too seriously because the guy was kinda sad, socially awkward and seemed kinda sad to me. Like a walking wounded puppy!
Well, he demonstrated some behaviors that irked me, but I ignored them because to be honest I didn't see this French man as a possible long term relationship, and let's face it he was socially retarded I thought. Like he just didn't have a clue. I would just laugh off what should have pissed me off and accepted him with no judgement.
Then things became more serious. He became more needy, he wanted me to open up, bring the walls down. You know my instinct was to back away, but I allowed others to guilt me. I felt guilty for not taking him seriously and it was pointed out to me that that was hurtful. So I gave in, and I let the walls down. I confided, I trusted, and I got sucked in deep.
I still never considered this relationship one that would develop into anything other than a friendship, but what I did was allow myself to think it was a real friendship, I thought that this "French Man" would be my friend all my life. I think being in the military is a large part of my openness to such a deep connection with a man I didn't want to marry, because I do have male friends that are like close to me like family. To me it was normal.
But I was delusional. This man was not a friend. And I completely set myself up for what was to come.
One day he wants me to go to dinner with his family, which I declined, and the next he's in a full blown relationship with some girl he literally just met. I broke things off immediately. But the problem was I had to work with this person and majority of our class were his drinking buddies. They adored him, It was like they were a cult and he was their leader.
I was on good terms with all these people, some I thought I was actually friends with. There were five of them. One I knew didn't like me and the feeling was mutual. The girl was one he flew in from Russia for the French man. So there I was in a horrible position. Not only had I put myself in a very uncomfortable position, but one that I had to deal with. We were filming our thesis films, a requirement for graduation, and being a GI Bill student, a D or below meant I would have to repay every cent the GI Bill paid for me to go to this expensive school.
Ok so I am a single parent. Financially I had to get along with these people. So I took the high road. I ask this man to sit down with me so we could talk and you know still be friends and just clear the air.
Well I met him at a public location where he was over an hour late to, and then he looked me in the eye and lied. The worst part was I knew he was lying. He wanted to know who told me blah blah blah, but the real crazy part was this idiot dumped me, after I had already dumped him he gave me a speech out of some really lame B movie. I said nothing.
To be honest I was literally in shock. For the life of me, I did not understand what was going on and how we were on totally different pages. Then he moved to sit next to me and put his arm around me. I told him that I was uncomfortable with the physical interaction and asked for space. I explained that this was a process and that I was hurt because the second I opened up like he'd ask I feel like he flipped on me.
Well anyway three hugs (that he insisted upon) later I went home and was like, okay that's that. I was so wrong. That was just the beginning.
So at this point we all go in to work on a student's film. All these people were treating me like some pathetic heartbroken loser. It was unbelievable. Then the Russian emerges, stiletto heels, mini skirt, and the sourest face I've ever seen. If looks could kill, I'd be dead. No joke. I tried to introduce myself to her, to put her at ease, I mean he put the knife in my back not her. She wouldn't even shake my hand. You would have thought I had killed her dog. It was weird.
And after she behaved nasty so did all of the French man's friends. It was one of the most uncomfortable, hurtful, times of my life. But I dealt with it. So there was a couple weeks break before the next film set I had to work on with these people. I thought that I could keep my distance, deal with my hurt feelings, and then go back over it all.
That was my plan.
During this time everywhere I would go the French man and his friends would show up. Party's they said they weren't going to, they'd be at. It was horrible. I just wanted my space and they wouldn't let me have it.
Then the French man sent me emails, and basically stated he was having second thoughts and he missed me. Well obviously at this time I was done with that, but I didn't want to fight, we had to work together still. I rejected him and let him know how I felt about his behavior, his friend's behavior, and the girl's behavior. But I did it in a reasonable mature manner. He assured me that it wouldn't happen again, that he didn't instigate it, and he was not nor would ever be involved with that girl. "He couldn't stand her!" I knew that was a lie but I didn't push it because let's face it, it didn't matter, what was done couldn't be undone. I just wanted to move forward in an environment where there was no hostility. Yeah Right!
So this main film was coming up, he asked me to work on it at the place where the girl was staying. I politely declined, one of my battle buddies would be in town and I used that as my excuse. My battle buddy did come to town, while she was visiting with her family, the French Man's best friend calls me and begs me to come to set. I was so needed, he said. The Russian would not be there, there would be no more drama. Strictly professional.
So like a naive fool I went because I wanted to be a team player. Well I arrived, the classmate I was close to had all been told not to come to set, they were unneeded. I was unneeded, I literally had no function to perform on this set. Thirty minutes in Ms. Russian Hooker shows up and OMG when she looked at me I thought she was going to cry. It was clear she had no idea I was going to be there and she did not want me there. I walked out without a word. One of his buddies texted me to criticize how unprofessional I was and I let him have it. Another one of his pals tried to call me that night, I avoided.
At this point I was pretty fed up, so I forwarded some of his emails, to her via facebook, actually copy and pasted, but anyway maybe I was wrong, but the look on that girls face, she didn't have a clue. He called and left a threatening message on my phone we texted back and forth, him still denying everything, and me no longer caring. I was done being treated like garbage. He went on a slander campaign, he lied about me, threatened physical violence, you name it. I was "obsessed with jealousy because I was so in love with him. His relationship with that girl was all in my delusion crazy head".
My friend dragged me, literally to an event I wasn't supposed to be at. She did this for a reason and to this day, I am thankful she did. He was there with his Russian girlfriend, literally making out. There's nothing like seeing something with your own eyes. I'll admit I clowned the girl. I mean come on, she was a moron, the things he had said about her, and I mean damn I was done dirty. Real dirty. I was pissed, but I laughed about stupid girls with low self-esteem, etc. I was mean. I'll admit it.
The next day I went to the Dean and told her everything. I agreed to finish with thesis filming, I admitted to being mean the night before, I was honest and So basically the school called the students, banned the girl from set and wanted us to put it all aside and get our films done. Well I guess this pissed them off, because they agreed to work with me and get it done, and then they related to the rest of the class (7 ppl) they would not work on their films if I did.
I was banned from set and she was very much on set. She wasn't even in the class. After talking to Dean I agreed to change classes, which meant repeating three months of school and losing three months of GI Bill. The school did an investigation, everyone in the class (except for one guy) lied and repeated the story that the French man and his best bud came up with and on sets would make the other students memorize. The school believed them despite my actually physical proof, emails texts, until my old sergeant a high-ranking noncommissioned officer and an EO rep called the school and educated them on the law.
OK so as if this wasn't enough, they weren't done. They went on a smear campaign that wouldn't quit. Everyone I knew at that school, except exactly five people, avoided me like the plague. Some would pull me aside when no one was looking and tell me how bad they felt, and how I didn't deserve that blah blah blah, but they didn't want the group to turn on them so you know...
The few people who stuck up for me I will never forget, funny thing is, they weren't my close friends. My close friends would agree with me in private, but in public, they didn't want to make the group mad. It was crazy. I was completely isolated. People only wanted to associate with me if no one knew. So I held my head up, cut all but those five people completely out of my life and I repeated the school and graduated.
I was offered a job in the industry while still in school and I work there to this day. I've made new friends, friends that have my back and after a year has passed, the French man started trying to make contact with me. He sent me a link to a music video he worked on, I was supposed to be impressed I guess, I deleted it, didn't even watch it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he sent it to everyone, never deleted me from his contacts list, I don't know. But two weeks later I get an invite from a networking site. I was wrong but I sent a short but firm email stating basically, forget it.
Here I am. It's funny, I had almost forgotten his name. I'm dating again, my career is good. How did he know? I'm pissed all over again. God, I hate him. That's all I can really say, except that you know in the end he lost, because when he ruined my life a better one replaced it.
"That's all I can really say, except that you know in the end he lost,
because when he ruined my life a better one replaced it."
So I guess I should thank him, but like I said I hate him so yeah that's not going to happen.
When a monster invades your life, you find out who your friends really are, and who the other monsters are. Knowledge is power and I am strong now! Thanks for letting me vent.
(NOTE FROM US: A narcissist will go out of his way after a breakup to make you look bad among your mutual friend and coworkers. HE DOES THIS TO SAVE HIS OWN FACE.) If you would like to share your narcissist story with us just email it to us using the headline "My Narcissist Story". Please note that any email sent to us constitutes granting us the right to reprint it here.
For more information on surviving a narcissist read my digital reports about my own, ten-year experience of living with a narcissist here, at my narcissist advice website, Breaking Up With Your Narcisist
Breaking up with a histrionic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...
....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist!
The narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he once fabricated in order to keep you in the relationship. Click here to read our 'Breaking Up & Dealing With a Narcissist' downloadable pdf ebooks brought to you by Tigress Luv.