When Remaining Calm is a Form of Abuse
NARCISSISTS DRIVE YOU CRAZY
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru
Can remaining in emotional control be abuse? It can -- and is -- when delivered by a narcissist!
Calm, rational level-headedness is a form of abuse, which the abuser uses to make you look crazy and out-of-control, after slowly and methodically driving you there. Once they get you to the breaking point, they get a sick-kick out of watching you 'lose it', all while they are remaining calm and 'keeping it together'.
Narcissists 'remain rational' and composed just to taunt you and to further aggravate and agitate you and the situation they have created. Narcissists drive you crazy for a two-fold reward...
ONE) they get to feel supreme over you and your emotions, simply because they are not overly reacting as you are. They are 'so much better' than you.
And TWO) they get to corral people to their side and turn them against you by making you look out-of-control and just as crazy as they have been claiming you are. By doing this, they make you appear incapable of having a rational opinion of them, "don't listen to her, she's nuts!"
First, they get to feel superior over their victim by remaining 'normal and in-control' and they further shatter and madden their victim's already distraught condition by making the victim feel and appear just as crazy as the abuser is claiming they are. The abuser remains 'unmoved' and 'untouched' by the hellish circumstances (that they have created) and then the narcissistic abuser uses this composed, rational attitude and behavior to feel supreme over their victim, and to provoke even more pain and a deeper reaction in their victim. "See, it's not me -- it is you. Crazy ass you."
Secondly, narcissists drive you crazy and act calm themselves to make you look crazy in order to show the world (and themselves) that it is you and your views that are distorted, and not the narcissist himself. "Don't pay any attention to what she says! See, she obviously is nuts!"
See, narcissists look at their romantic partners as rivalries and their relationships as 'wars'; and in any war against a rivalry there must be a winner (the narcissist) and there must be a loser (their victim). They like to get as many people (family, friends) on 'their side' and as their allies very soon in the war -- just in case somebody else just might happen to believe the victim's stories about the narcissist. If the narcissist can convincingly say the victim is unstable or, as the narcissist likes to say, 'a crazy-ass, psycho bitch' then surely these people won't believe anything she rattles on about.
"I am commendable for having to endure this woman. Don't listen to a word she says, but believe me -- and feel sorry for me."
As an added bonus, the narcissist won't believe her, either. In his mind, he remains perfect and without flaw. Better to blame her way of thinking than to be at fault himself. If he can drive her crazy than her poor opinions of him will hold no merit. After all, she's crazy.
But what better way to make one believe that someone is crazy, than actually making them crazy! Abusive narcissists drive you crazy with ease. They have perfected this tactic. Because the narcissist quickly goes from Prince Charming to the Prince of Darkness in a relationship, this overnight transformation alone is enough to make their victim question their very own sanity or 'act out'. The constant drip-feed of abuse and subtle manipulation of the victim eventually weakens the victim's composure. Narcissists drive you crazy -- from the very first date. I bet you didn't know it was all a big setup, did you?
The rapid, three-step progression of your emotional state when in a relationship with a narcissist:
1) 7th Heaven
2) Huh? WTF?
And there you have it! Not pretty, but true. Trust me, it's not you, it's them. Don't let a narcissist make you feel crazy. No matter how calm, collective and in control they appear to be. No matter if they have kept their composure all while you have lost yours. It's all part of their clever, diabolical plan. So let it go. Get out. And run as fast as you can. NEVER LOOK BACK -- it hurts to be back there. Just keep moving forward. It doesn't hurt to move forward.
Breaking up with a histrionic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...
....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist!
The narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he once fabricated in order to keep you in the relationship. Click here to read our 'Breaking Up & Dealing With a Narcissist' downloadable pdf ebooks brought to you by Tigress Luv.