 Breaking up with a histrionic
narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional
basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort
and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from
everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills.
He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...
....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why?
Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together
didn't even exist! And to him they didn't! The narcissist has a 'counterfeit
heart'!
Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions
on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained
individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their
brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused, dishonest,
irresponsible, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These
men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are
easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath their fake
exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is lacking a human soul.
"“Women know how to fake orgasm.
Men know how to fake an entire relationship.” ~ Sharon
Stone
Of course, you will never see this in the beginning of the relationship
with a narcissistic man. Many women do not see any of these awful qualities
until the relationship gets serious because both the narcissist and
his prey tend to idolize people in the beginning of relationships.
And being idolized feels good - so good that we often willingly overlook
the red flags.
Unfortunately, the narcissist is sociopathic
in that they often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability
to empathize with others (did you notice that [according to him] ALL his
'exes' were 'psycho bitches'? THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAJOR RED FLAGS WAVING
IN YOUR FACE FROM EVERYWHERE ON THAT ONE - BUT IT PROBABLY DIDN'T REALLY
HIT YOU UNTIL 'YOUR' RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM WAS OVER!!).
See, narcissistIc men haven't the ability to
see their own negative actions or the detrimental roles they play in their
relationships with others. The narcissist is a deceptive man and the most
common form of his deception is his own self-deception. He truly believes
he is perfectly innocent of having committed any wrong-doing -
ever.
He holds himself completely blameless for any
part in the breakdown of your relationship (or ANY of his past
relationships). Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology from this man,
or even an admittance on his part of being partially to blame - for
anything. He believes he has done nothing wrong, as he is just so wonderful!
(At least, in his on mind.)
The narcissist doesn't care about your problems or your feelings. He has
absolutely no regard or respect for anyone's feelings; he is completely without
empathy and is never above taking advantage of others for his own personal
gain. He is constantly hungry for praise and he will go on a feeding frenzy
for the adoration and admiration he desperately seeks with every individual
he comes in contact with. He is a legend in his own mind, and deeply living
in a fantasy world built on his own imagined self-importance.
"The narcissist can neither give nor receive love. He cannot empathize
with the pain and suffering of others. Although he is often incredibly charming
and draws many people into his enchanted circle, the narcissist is incapable
of true intimacy. At the core of his life experience, the narcissist has
emotionally and often financially harmed so many. He has treated others
with cruelty, ruthlessness and indifference too many times. Ultimately, in
the depth of his unconscious, he knows he is an empty fraud" ~Linda
Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
Nothing can be more painful than breaking up
with a histrionic narcissistic man. He will not take it kindly - not because
he will grieve the loss of you (you mean nothing to this man) but
simply because you will have embarrassed him. And damaging his ego is a totally
unforgivable sin to the narcissist! I'm afraid you're about to become his
next victim, so be aware of his soon-to-come character assassin of you.
(Narcissistic men [they all hold an actor's award] will say just about anything
about another in order to protect their perfect 'image'.)
| Remember
that a narcissist will never take direct responsibility for anything. He
will blame you, the alignment of the stars, an ancient family curse ... anything.
Mine went as far as to blame a simple rock that a friend brought back to
me from her vacation in Florida as bringing 'evil' into our home. He also
blamed his 'nickname' for his 'bad luck' (after our breakup), saying that
'bad karma' was associated to that nickname and he stopped using it altogether.
Other times (when he was especially evil to me) he claimed he would smell
a 'sweet flowery-like' scent before we would have a fight and that it was
an 'evil force' that was trying to come between us.
But mostly, he just
blamed the children or I for everything he did wrong. And, fixing his wrongs
would have meant that he would have had to admit to actually having them
to begin with, so that concept wasn't even a consideration. Better just to
blame you and move on with his life, than to admit he was flawed and/or wrong
and work on bettering the relationship (or himself). Narcissists will never
acknowledge or deal with the real problem, because the real problem is
them!
|
Whether or not this has happened to you, it
is still a very painful realization
 when
you come to discover that you meant absolutely nothing to someone you loved
very much. The realization that this man never loved you (don't delude
yourself) hurts beyond compare. It is hard to understand that a histrionic
narcissist loves only himself, and, if anything, considered you more a
'love-rival' than a 'lover'.
You will find that you have changed during the
course of the relationship with a narcissist. You will walk away completely
far removed from the beautiful woman you were when you entered it. You may
have gone from soft, sweet and feminine to hardened and bitter. From trusting,
open and receptive to suspicious and untrusting. From self-assured and confident
to being full of self-doubt and insecurities. It will take some hard work
on your part to let this damaged part of you go and find your old self
again.
A NARCISSIST HAS A CALLOUS DISREGARD -
FOR YOU
For most of us breaking up with a narcissist
can leave us feeling confused, devastated, and untrusting of all men in the
future.
Usually, when a relationship ends both parties
grieve some, both parties have regrets and both parties have done things
that they feel remorseful for.
But not a narcissist! He walks away from you
with a cold, callous disregard. He feels nothing.
| A narcissist
will avoid looking at you - even if you are sitting right in front of him.
This is his way of dismissing and devaluing you. There is nothing about his
actions that are normal, but your mind can't conceive this and so it tries
to understand. However, there is no making sense of the
'senseless'. |
"Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of
the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The narcissist idealizes and then
DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt,
heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealize and then
devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The narcissist
exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the "silent treatment"), manipulates,
controls. All these are forms of abuse. " ~ by Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.
"The narcissist has to be NUMBER ONE,
the CENTER OF ATTENTION, THE BIG CHEESE, the MAIN
ATTRACTION. If he is in a situation where he fears not getting the adulation
that he feels he deserves, such as with your friends or co-workers,
or even playing a gig in a club that you frequent (translation: your
territory), he will be extremely uncomfortable, either claiming a headache,
feeling 'bad vibes' in the place, or simply getting angry. He may insult
or dismiss everyone there as 'substandard human beings'. A narcissist cannot
share his limelight with anyone, not even his spouse." ~by Tigress
Luv
It is especially hard to let go of a relationship
breakdown when you can't find any rhyme or reason to the way it all unfolded.
We think that all people are good people and can't understand how someone
could so easily just dismiss us as if we never existed.
Truth is, you didn't exist to the narcissist.
He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of being the
only person in his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A
narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.
You were taken in by his phony charm simply
because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities,
questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss
you' and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the
experience.
You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To
feel remorse.
So that you can feel important again. Like you
mattered.
But you didn't. And it has nothing to
do with you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no
matter whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted
years of your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined
everything; nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting
his ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from
you anymore he simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his
life. It is important to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he
has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very
first moment his charming, but fake persona met you.
Expect your world to fall apart whereas his
world will remain unscathed - as will his emotions. OOPS, pardon me, I made
a mistake! Make that "his 'lack of' emotions". Narcissistic men haven't any
empathy for others, and will never take any direct responsibility for any
pain they may have caused. They will never acknowledge their wrongdoings,
or apologize to you, because they truly believe themselves to be perfect.
They project all their faults and flaws onto you,
accusing you of the very things that they, themselves, are
guilty of.
| "In my
relationship I remember him to never EVER say he was sorry (EVER!) - for
anything. I was always the one that would go to him, take responsibility
and apologize. Yet I do remember a time when I did this and he said
'this is the first time you ever said that you were sorry". WTH? I was always
apologizing for stuff that was always his doing - he caused the problems,
or rather his sociopathic narcissism did. Did this man ever apologize to
me? For anything? NO! The sociopathic narcissist will project everything
he does onto you, as to YOU being the one that is doing it onto him. His
abuse of you - in his mind - actually becomes your abuse of him! That's
how twisted this man's mind is. In his mind the things he does to you
are really things you are doing to him." |
In fact, throughout your entire relationship, you probably were lead to believe
that you were the problem when in actuality it was their narcissism that
was at fault. You have subconsciously learned to take his attacks personally,
because he is so very good at manipulating the people around him.
Narcissistic and histrionic men play on the fact that most of us are
trusting and forgiving, and that we want to believe in
them.
Narcissists are all about their image, and
they spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting their false front, or
their 'image'. He's forever aware of his impression on people, and he knows
exactly what 'face' to put on to draw people into his magical circle of followers
- all with the intent to enhance his own self-exaltation. He is an expert
at even fooling himself into thinking he is larger than life and the more
positive the feedback he receives, the more trapped in his mirror he becomes.
He would rather have adoration from complete strangers than a deep
meaningful relationship with a loving partner. His image is superficial
and covers up his complete lack of inner awareness. He is, quite simply,
an expert fake, forever on the search for a true acceptance, but never daring
enough to show his 'real self' for fear of not receiving it.
The sad thing is, because he feels he is loved
for his fake front, he never truly feels loved for his real self, and this
just further enables and encourages his narcissism.
The narcissistic mate displays many typical psychopathic characteristics.
He may have falsely displayed deep emotion toward you (when he was in your
good graces). In reality, he was less concerned with you than with making
himself look good. In the romance department, a narcissist or a histrionic
man has an uncanny ability to gain your trust and affection quickly, disarming
you with his charm (i.e., "What a beautiful necklace; you have such
excellent taste in jewelry") and captivating you with his many
grandiose plans (i.e., "I'm getting the old band together and we are going
to tour Europe"). If he cheats on you you'll probably find forgiveness
for him - maybe even blame yourself for his infidelities - but one day when
you've had enough, he'll leave you with nothing but the breath-taking epiphany
that your whole life with him has been a lie. He'll also, most likely,
leave you with an empty pocketbook, too. Of course, by this time he'll
already have a new 'sucker' under his wing, and could care less what he has
done to you.
Yes, living with, loving and leaving a narcissistic
man is an experience unlike any other! You are left deeply confused and weakened
by the abuse.
"....he was mad at me every single day. In
fact, I can't remember
even one day he wasn't angry and insulting..." ~A Reader
He wants you to pay for his inner pain,
and he will do everything in his power to punish you and push you over the
brink. Your mind can't rationalize that these men are not 'normal', and it
tries to make sense of their behavior.
| "I guess
what burned me the most was that most people thought he was great and I was
horrible for hurting poor, poor him...while they were worshipping him I was
left with his chewed-up, spit-out mess. The bills, the kids, the dogs; his
narcissistic fallout.
The real life, the
responsibilities.
The broken car.
The dead water heater.
The clogged drains. The leaking roof.
The bill collectors.
The threatened foreclosures.
He was a free man. Walked
away from it all. I was the responsible party who had to mop off his stage
when he got through with it. His narcissism turned me from a beautifully
spirited and happy woman before I met him into the walking dead afterwards.
MY life was drained
out of me after years of confusion by his backstabbing, abuse, lies, and
lack of caring. I had circles under my eyes. I was hospitalized for shingles.
I had lost 40 lbs and now had legs like a chicken (yep!). My back sagged,
my head ached, my chest hurt, and I sometimes needed beer just to get to
sleep at night, and even then I would wake up after two or three hours worrying
about everything.
I was a mess.
The world was on my
back.
The world was at his
feet.
He walked away from
everything. A true narcissist. Talking himself and charming himself out of
every situation, he never believed that he actually had any responsibilities
at all. Everything was disposable to him once it lost its narcissistic
supply advantages. When he knew his game was up, he so easily convinced himself
that they were all my bills, everything was my doing...I stopped his narcissistic
supply so this is the price I will now pay (narcissists like to 'punish').
I complained to him
once about the entire burden he dumped squarely on my shoulders; he simply
said, "Let it go, will ya?" His egotistical narcissistic mind thought I was
pining away for him and not merely exhausted from the load he dumped on me.
Yet this very same man
had the audacity to yell at me when I took him and his vehicle off of my
auto insurance coverage plan 12 MONTHS AFTER we broke up.
Seriously! No thank you's for keeping him covered for an entire year …
just indignant outrage that I had finally stopped!"
NOTE: Here's a picture
of the bills EXACTLY as my coward narcissist left them (strategically spread
out) for me on our bed when he ran away - off to be the 'Charming Fake' on
his new ego-driven mission of destruction ...
 |
"Dear
Friend,
Nobody knows better the pain of living with, loving,
and leaving a narcissist better than I. I have been there and I know, first
hand, how it feels to be the guiding shadow of this damaged man. I know about
the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse. I know about the neglect.
I know how it feels to never have had him there for you - ever.
I know what it is like
to sit there in silence and listen to him talk about himself all day
- and all night. I know what it is like to never, ever be acknowledged or
put
first.
I know what it is like
to have him dislike everything about you - from your perfume to the car
you drive to your very own
friends.
I know what to expect when
breaking up with this man. And I know the damage that can be done to the
woman that loves him and leaves
him.
And I want to share my
knowledge with you, so that you may be spared the heartache associated with
a breakup in a narcissistic-based
relationship.
If you want to read about this man ... and really
learn all about everything
you have been through, plus get real explanations to why you feel
the way you do, then you must read on.
The secrets about him I am about to share with
you will reveal the answers to your many questions and bring you to a better
place and peace of mind.
Answers like...
-
why he treats you like 'The Enemy'
-
what are the histrionic and narcissism disorder
signs and how can you recognize them
-
why any argument with him always leads to him
being the 'damaged party ' and you feeling beaten without ever having even
opened your mouth
-
why, even after you have left him, you still
hurt instead of feeling good to finally be rid of all the pain caused by
his narcissism
-
why he hates everything you like - from your
music preference and perfume, to your friends and pets
-
why he disagrees with any of your choices, opinions,
or beliefs
-
how he truly feels about you, and why it matters
to you so much
-
who the Toxic Narcissist is, and how to recognize
which type of the Nine Types of Toxic Narcissists your man is (Yes, they
are not all alike!)
-
why Narcissists are rarely faithful, and why
it has nothing to do with you
-
what to expect in and after the breakup
-
why he has distorted views of you
-
why he never will be able to take responsibility
for anything
-
how people who know him really feel about him,
and why
-
why you went from his 'partner' to his 'rival'
- almost overnight
-
what the "Three A's" are that motivate the
narcissist and how they influenced your relationship with him
-
how to recover - really recover - from the worst
nightmare of your life, loving and leaving a narcissist or histrionic
-
why he 'demonizes' and 'devalues' you
-
why, when you are around him, you behave in
a manner that is totally unlike your normal, beautiful self
-
recognizing the symptoms and learning the definitions
of Histrionics and Narcissism
-
how to survive a narcissist
-
narcissistic personality disorder, traits, and
behavior in men
-
signs and traits of a narcissist relationship
and a histrionic relationship
Sounds to good to be
true?
It's not! I can help you get the answers you need to his behavior
so that you can finally find some peace in your life (and with yourself)
... Something that is probably long over due if you have been with anyone
who has narcissism or has a narcissistic personality disorder!
"Imagine
a pair of binoculars. The narcissist sees his self through the magnified
side, and the rest of the world through the small, insignificant side. He
is so self-absorbed that people outside of him only have importance as long
as they are feeding his blown up self-image. Ironically, he is never ever
worshipped or adored anywhere near what he thinks he is.
Most people find this man to be pompous, self-centered, boisterous, conceited,
and pretentious. With extreme emphasis on the pretentious part! His fantasies
of being the best, smartest, most talented, most loved and most popular are
- most assuredly - all in his head. He is a legend in his own mind, and the
importance of you last only as long as you haven't discovered the real man
inside. Once you have he knows his fake gig (with you) is up and so then
are you. He doesn't want to have to face - or even acknowledge his real self
- so he will dump you like toxic waste and move on, rabidly seeking a new
audience for his displays of grandiosity." |
Yes, there is nothing real about this man!
| "It can
be completely unnerving to see this beautiful public persona become a creature
from Hades once alone outside of ear and eye shot of everyone else. His roughshod
treatment of you causes many an ugly scene from your play as you act out
in self-defense; act crazy from the confusion of loving the fake persona
and feeling the rejection and contempt from him.
Or you may simply hold
it all inside, becoming quiet and depressed while feeling your self-esteem
plummet as you take direct ownership over the mean treatment and comments
doled out to you by the narcissist. The inner emotional pain and confusion
can only be topped by the blatant way he can control those around him into
thinking he is right, wonderful, and 'standing in the light of truth'...nothing
could be further from the truth, though, but your untrained eye cannot see
this." |
The narcissistic ex continually acts
in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing
destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that
his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most
likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely
lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from
you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him,
consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order
to keep you in the relationship.
"Narcissists become particularly shameless
during a divorce. They accuse the other spouse of neglecting the children
when the reverse is true. They hide their assets long before the formal divorce
proceedings begin. They lie about their net worth so they don't have to part
with alimony or child support. Some narcissists, both male and female, abandon
their families all together and start new lives with more attractive, adoring
and compliant partners. Leaving the previous spouse and children in a
state of financial and psychological chaos is of no consequence to them.
Many narcissists repeat these egregious patterns of behavior throughout
their lives without shame or regret." ~ Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
Order Tigress Luv's latest ebook, 'In Love
With a Legend? Stepping Back Into the Real World: Recovering From the Nightmare
of Loving a Narcissistic Man', and get the ebook 'How to Break Free
From Their Spell' absolutely FREE with your order so that you can get
the best advice available to help you recover from your relationship, and
your break up, with a narcissist. You can feel better today and you
can get advice from someone who has been in your shoes!
 |
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It's your lucky day! I'm allowing everyone
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|
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|
Copyright
2009 Gold Canyon Publishing All Rights Reserved - Breaking up with a narcissist
- How to break up with a man who has narcissism, support and symptoms
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ARTICLES ON NARCISSIST, NARCISSISM AND NARCISSISTIC
PEOPLE
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