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The Narcissist: A King Among Kings, or an Old, Fat Washed-up Man?

Can You SEE the Real Man, ore Are You Blinded by The Charming Personality Bling?

Take this quiz to see if he is a narcissist:

1. Does he act out in verbally aggressive behaviors, or does he have 'rages', especially if he feels he has been insulted in some way? Does he blame 'you' or accuse you of being the one that is 'acting out' or 'out-of-control'?

2. In the beginning was he just 'too good to be true'?

3. Does he rely on you financially, or does he ask you to help him fund things?

4. Does he often spend outside of his budget?

5. Is everything always about him and is nothing ever about you? Does he seem insensitive to your needs, unappreciative of your input, or non-acknowledging of your accomplishments? Does he not recognize your giving, kindness, and thoughtfulness? Does he seem genuinely not interested in your life?

6. Is he controlling? Do you often feel manipulated?

7. Does he show one side (Dr. Jekyll) to the public (a perfected persona which you know is fake), and another side (Mr. Hyde) to you in private? Does he go out of his way to impress people?

8. Does his ego bruise easily, or is he hyper-vigilant to the slightest insult?

9. Does he expect special treatment or feel he is 'entitled' to it?

10. Does he talk about himself more than you feel is normal?

11. Does he avoid eye contact with you, or does he withhold sex or affection? Has he been unfaithful?

12. Does he seem to lack empathy or compassion for others, or does he 'fake' it to enhance his 'public persona'?

13. Do you feel emotionally battered and confused?

14. Have you noticed your confidence or self-esteem slipping?

15. Is he histrionic? In other words, in public does he hog the limelight, putting on exaggerated shows and telling fascinating stories of himself in order to be the center of attraction? Is he loud or does he act like he is on stage when engaging in simple conversations with other people?

Have You Broken Up With, or Are You In Love With a Man That Has a 'Counterfeit Heart'?

Understand what it's like to break up with a histrionic 
narcissist
so that you can get through the break up yet still keep your sanity (or whatever sanity he has left you with!)

Living with, Loving and LEAVING the Narcissist

Breaking up with a histrionic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...

....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist! And to him they didn't! The narcissist has a 'counterfeit heart'!

Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused, dishonest, irresponsible, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath their fake exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is lacking a human soul.


"“Women know how to fake orgasm.
Men know how to fake an entire relationship.” ~ Sharon Stone


Of course, you will never see this in the beginning of the relationship with a narcissistic man. Many women do not see any of these awful qualities until the relationship gets serious because both the narcissist and his prey tend to idolize people in the beginning of relationships.

And being idolized feels good - so good that we often willingly overlook the red flags.

Unfortunately, the narcissist is sociopathic in that they often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others (did you notice that [according to him] ALL his 'exes' were 'psycho bitches'? THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAJOR RED FLAGS WAVING IN YOUR FACE FROM EVERYWHERE ON THAT ONE - BUT IT PROBABLY DIDN'T REALLY HIT YOU UNTIL 'YOUR' RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM WAS OVER!!).

See, narcissistIc men haven't the ability to see their own negative actions or the detrimental roles they play in their relationships with others. The narcissist is a deceptive man and the most common form of his deception is his own self-deception. He truly believes he is perfectly innocent of having committed any wrong-doing - ever.

He holds himself completely blameless for any part in the breakdown of your relationship (or ANY of his past relationships). Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology from this man, or even an admittance on his part of being partially to blame - for anything. He believes he has done nothing wrong, as he is just so wonderful! (At least, in his on mind.)  

The narcissist doesn't care about your problems or your feelings. He has absolutely no regard or respect for anyone's feelings; he is completely without empathy and is never above taking advantage of others for his own personal gain. He is constantly hungry for praise and he will go on a feeding frenzy for the adoration and admiration he desperately seeks with every individual he comes in contact with. He is a legend in his own mind, and deeply living in a fantasy world built on his own imagined self-importance.

"The narcissist can neither give nor receive love. He cannot empathize with the pain and suffering of others. Although he is often incredibly charming and draws many people into his enchanted circle, the narcissist is incapable of true intimacy. At the core of his life experience, the narcissist has emotionally and often financially harmed so many. He has treated others with cruelty, ruthlessness and indifference too many times. Ultimately, in the depth of his unconscious, he knows he is an empty fraud" ~Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.

Nothing can be more painful than breaking up with a histrionic narcissistic man. He will not take it kindly - not because he will grieve the loss of you (you mean nothing to this man) but simply because you will have embarrassed him. And damaging his ego is a totally unforgivable sin to the narcissist! I'm afraid you're about to become his next victim, so be aware of his soon-to-come character assassin of you. (Narcissistic men [they all hold an actor's award] will say just about anything about another in order to protect their perfect 'image'.)

Remember that a narcissist will never take direct responsibility for anything. He will blame you, the alignment of the stars, an ancient family curse ... anything. Mine went as far as to blame a simple rock that a friend brought back to me from her vacation in Florida as bringing 'evil' into our home. He also blamed his 'nickname' for his 'bad luck' (after our breakup), saying that 'bad karma' was associated to that nickname and he stopped using it altogether. Other times (when he was especially evil to me) he claimed he would smell a 'sweet flowery-like' scent before we would have a fight and that it was an 'evil force' that was trying to come between us.

But mostly, he just blamed the children or I for everything he did wrong. And, fixing his wrongs would have meant that he would have had to admit to actually having them to begin with, so that concept wasn't even a consideration. Better just to blame you and move on with his life, than to admit he was flawed and/or wrong and work on bettering the relationship (or himself). Narcissists will never acknowledge or deal with the real problem, because the real problem is them!

Whether or not this has happened to you, it is still a very painful realization when you come to discover that you meant absolutely nothing to someone you loved very much. The realization that this man never loved you (don't delude yourself) hurts beyond compare. It is hard to understand that a histrionic narcissist loves only himself, and, if anything, considered you more a 'love-rival' than a 'lover'.

You will find that you have changed during the course of the relationship with a narcissist. You will walk away completely far removed from the beautiful woman you were when you entered it. You may have gone from soft, sweet and feminine to hardened and bitter. From trusting, open and receptive to suspicious and untrusting. From self-assured and confident to being full of self-doubt and insecurities. It will take some hard work on your part to let this damaged part of you go and find your old self again.

A NARCISSIST HAS A CALLOUS DISREGARD - FOR YOU

For most of us breaking up with a narcissist can leave us feeling confused, devastated, and untrusting of all men in the future.

Usually, when a relationship ends both parties grieve some, both parties have regrets and both parties have done things that they feel remorseful for.

But not a narcissist! He walks away from you with a cold, callous disregard. He feels nothing.

A narcissist will avoid looking at you - even if you are sitting right in front of him. This is his way of dismissing and devaluing you. There is nothing about his actions that are normal, but your mind can't conceive this and so it tries to understand. However, there is no making sense of the 'senseless'.

"Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the "silent treatment"), manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. " ~ by Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.

"The narcissist has to be NUMBER ONE, the CENTER OF ATTENTION, THE BIG CHEESE, the MAIN ATTRACTION. If he is in a situation where he fears not getting the adulation that he feels he deserves, such as with your friends or co-workers, or even playing a gig in a club that you frequent (translation: your territory), he will be extremely uncomfortable, either claiming a headache, feeling 'bad vibes' in the place, or simply getting angry. He may insult or dismiss everyone there as 'substandard human beings'. A narcissist cannot share his limelight with anyone, not even his spouse." ~by Tigress Luv

It is especially hard to let go of a relationship breakdown when you can't find any rhyme or reason to the way it all unfolded. We think that all people are good people and can't understand how someone could so easily just dismiss us as if we never existed.

Truth is, you didn't exist to the narcissist. He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of being the only person in his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.

You were taken in by his phony charm simply because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities, questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss you' and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the experience.

You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To feel remorse.

So that you can feel important again. Like you mattered.

But you didn't. And it has nothing to do with you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no matter whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined everything; nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you anymore he simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his life. It is important to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very first moment his charming, but fake persona met you.

Expect your world to fall apart whereas his world will remain unscathed - as will his emotions. OOPS, pardon me, I made a mistake! Make that "his 'lack of' emotions". Narcissistic men haven't any empathy for others, and will never take any direct responsibility for any pain they may have caused. They will never acknowledge their wrongdoings, or apologize to you, because they truly believe themselves to be perfect. They project all their faults and flaws onto you, accusing you of the very things that they, themselves, are guilty of.

"In my relationship I remember him to never EVER say he was sorry (EVER!) - for anything. I was always the one that would go to him, take responsibility and apologize. Yet I do remember a time when I did this and he said 'this is the first time you ever said that you were sorry". WTH? I was always apologizing for stuff that was always his doing  - he caused the problems, or rather his sociopathic narcissism did. Did this man ever apologize to me? For anything? NO! The sociopathic narcissist will project everything he does onto you, as to YOU being the one that is doing it onto him. His abuse of you - in his mind - actually becomes your abuse of him! That's how twisted this man's mind is. In his mind the things he does to you are really things you are doing to him."


In fact, throughout your entire relationship, you probably were lead to believe that you were the problem when in actuality it was their narcissism that was at fault. You have subconsciously learned to take his attacks personally, because he is so very good at manipulating the people around him.

Narcissistic and histrionic men play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving, and that we want to believe in them.

Narcissists are all about their image, and they spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting their false front, or their 'image'. He's forever aware of his impression on people, and he knows exactly what 'face' to put on to draw people into his magical circle of followers - all with the intent to enhance his own self-exaltation. He is an expert at even fooling himself into thinking he is larger than life and the more positive the feedback he receives, the more trapped in his mirror he becomes. He would rather have adoration from complete strangers than a deep meaningful relationship with a loving partner. His image is superficial and covers up his complete lack of inner awareness. He is, quite simply, an expert fake, forever on the search for a true acceptance, but never daring enough to show his 'real self' for fear of not receiving it.

The sad thing is, because he feels he is loved for his fake front, he never truly feels loved for his real self, and this just further enables and encourages his narcissism.

The narcissistic mate displays many typical psychopathic characteristics. He may have falsely displayed deep emotion toward you (when he was in your good graces). In reality, he was less concerned with you than with making himself look good. In the romance department, a narcissist or a histrionic man has an uncanny ability to gain your trust and affection quickly, disarming you with his charm (i.e., "What a beautiful necklace; you have such excellent taste in jewelry") and captivating you with his many grandiose plans (i.e., "I'm getting the old band together and we are going to tour Europe"). If he cheats on you you'll probably find forgiveness for him - maybe even blame yourself for his infidelities - but one day when you've had enough, he'll leave you with nothing but the breath-taking epiphany that your whole life with him has been a lie. He'll also, most likely, leave you with an empty pocketbook, too. Of course, by this time he'll already have a new 'sucker' under his wing, and could care less what he has done to you.

Yes, living with, loving and leaving a narcissistic man is an experience unlike any other! You are left deeply confused and weakened by the abuse.

"....he was mad at me every single day. In fact, I can't remember
even one day he wasn't angry and insulting..." ~A Reader

He wants you to pay for his inner pain, and he will do everything in his power to punish you and push you over the brink. Your mind can't rationalize that these men are not 'normal', and it tries to make sense of their behavior.

"I guess what burned me the most was that most people thought he was great and I was horrible for hurting poor, poor him...while they were worshipping him I was left with his chewed-up, spit-out mess. The bills, the kids, the dogs; his narcissistic fallout.

The real life, the responsibilities.

The broken car.

The dead water heater. The clogged drains. The leaking roof.

The bill collectors.

The threatened foreclosures.

He was a free man. Walked away from it all. I was the responsible party who had to mop off his stage when he got through with it. His narcissism turned me from a beautifully spirited and happy woman before I met him into the walking dead afterwards.

MY life was drained out of me after years of confusion by his backstabbing, abuse, lies, and lack of caring. I had circles under my eyes. I was hospitalized for shingles. I had lost 40 lbs and now had legs like a chicken (yep!). My back sagged, my head ached, my chest hurt, and I sometimes needed beer just to get to sleep at night, and even then I would wake up after two or three hours worrying about everything.

I was a mess.

The world was on my back.

The world was at his feet.

He walked away from everything. A true narcissist. Talking himself and charming himself out of every situation, he never believed that he actually had any responsibilities at all. Everything was disposable to him once it lost its narcissistic supply advantages. When he knew his game was up, he so easily convinced himself that they were all my bills, everything was my doing...I stopped his narcissistic supply so this is the price I will now pay (narcissists like to 'punish').

I complained to him once about the entire burden he dumped squarely on my shoulders; he simply said, "Let it go, will ya?" His egotistical narcissistic mind thought I was pining away for him and not merely exhausted from the load he dumped on me.

Yet this very same man had the audacity to yell at me when I took him and his vehicle off of my auto insurance coverage plan 12 MONTHS AFTER we broke up. Seriously! No thank you's for keeping him covered for an entire year … just indignant outrage that I had finally stopped!"

NOTE: Here's a picture of the bills EXACTLY as my coward narcissist left them (strategically spread out) for me on our bed when he ran away - off to be the 'Charming Fake' on his new ego-driven mission of destruction ...

"Dear Friend,

Nobody knows better the pain of living with, loving, and leaving a narcissist better than I. I have been there and I know, first hand, how it feels to be the guiding shadow of this damaged man. I know about the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse. I know about the neglect. I know how it feels to never have had him there for you - ever.

I know what it is like to sit there in silence and listen to him talk about himself all day - and all night. I know what it is like to never, ever be acknowledged or put first.

I know what it is like to have him dislike everything about you - from your perfume to the car you drive to your very own friends. 

I know what to expect when breaking up with this man. And I know the damage that can be done to the woman that loves him and leaves him.

And I want to share my knowledge with you, so that you may be spared the heartache associated with a breakup in a narcissistic-based relationship.

If you want to read about this man ... and really learn all about everything you have been through, plus get real explanations to why you feel the way you do, then you must read on.

The secrets about him I am about to share with you will reveal the answers to your many questions and bring you to a better place and peace of mind.

Answers like...

  • why he treats you like 'The Enemy'
  • what are the histrionic and narcissism disorder signs and how can you recognize them
  • why any argument with him always leads to him being the 'damaged party ' and you feeling beaten without ever having even opened your mouth
  • why, even after you have left him, you still hurt instead of feeling good to finally be rid of all the pain caused by his narcissism
  • why he hates everything you like - from your music preference and perfume, to your friends and pets
  • why he disagrees with any of your choices, opinions, or beliefs
  • how he truly feels about you, and why it matters to you so much
  • who the Toxic Narcissist is, and how to recognize which type of the Nine Types of Toxic Narcissists your man is (Yes, they are not all alike!)
  • why Narcissists are rarely faithful, and why it has nothing to do with you
  • what to expect in and after the breakup
  • why he has distorted views of you
  • why he never will be able to take responsibility for anything
  • how people who know him really feel about him, and why
  • why you went from his 'partner' to his 'rival' - almost overnight
  • what the "Three A's" are that motivate the narcissist and how they influenced your relationship with him
  • how to recover - really recover - from the worst nightmare of your life, loving and leaving a narcissist or histrionic
  • why he 'demonizes' and 'devalues' you
  • why, when you are around him, you behave in a manner that is totally unlike your normal, beautiful self
  • recognizing the symptoms and learning the definitions of Histrionics and Narcissism
  • how to survive a narcissist
  • narcissistic personality disorder, traits, and behavior in men
  • signs and traits of a narcissist relationship and a histrionic relationship

Sounds to good to be true? It's not! I can help you get the answers you need to his behavior so that you can finally find some peace in your life (and with yourself) ... Something that is probably long over due if you have been with anyone who has narcissism or has a narcissistic personality disorder!

"Imagine a pair of binoculars. The narcissist sees his self through the magnified side, and the rest of the world through the small, insignificant side. He is so self-absorbed that people outside of him only have importance as long as they are feeding his blown up self-image. Ironically, he is never ever worshipped or adored anywhere near what he thinks he is.

Most people find this man to be pompous, self-centered, boisterous, conceited, and pretentious. With extreme emphasis on the pretentious part! His fantasies of being the best, smartest, most talented, most loved and most popular are - most assuredly - all in his head. He is a legend in his own mind, and the importance of you last only as long as you haven't discovered the real man inside. Once you have he knows his fake gig (with you) is up and so then are you. He doesn't want to have to face - or even acknowledge his real self - so he will dump you like toxic waste and move on, rabidly seeking a new audience for his displays of grandiosity."

Yes, there is nothing real about this man!

"It can be completely unnerving to see this beautiful public persona become a creature from Hades once alone outside of ear and eye shot of everyone else. His roughshod treatment of you causes many an ugly scene from your play as you act out in self-defense; act crazy from the confusion of loving the fake persona and feeling the rejection and contempt from him.

Or you may simply hold it all inside, becoming quiet and depressed while feeling your self-esteem plummet as you take direct ownership over the mean treatment and comments doled out to you by the narcissist. The inner emotional pain and confusion can only be topped by the blatant way he can control those around him into thinking he is right, wonderful, and 'standing in the light of truth'...nothing could be further from the truth, though, but your untrained eye cannot see this."

The narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order to keep you in the relationship.

"Narcissists become particularly shameless during a divorce. They accuse the other spouse of neglecting the children when the reverse is true. They hide their assets long before the formal divorce proceedings begin. They lie about their net worth so they don't have to part with alimony or child support. Some narcissists, both male and female, abandon their families all together and start new lives with more attractive, adoring and compliant partners. Leaving the previous spouse and children in a state of financial and psychological chaos is of no consequence to them. Many narcissists repeat these egregious patterns of behavior throughout their lives without shame or regret." ~ Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.

Order Tigress Luv's latest ebook, 'In Love With a Legend? Stepping Back Into the Real World: Recovering From the Nightmare of Loving a Narcissistic Man', and get the ebook 'How to Break Free From Their Spell' absolutely FREE with your order so that you can get the best advice available to help you recover from your relationship, and your break up, with a narcissist. You can feel better today and you can get advice from someone who has been in your shoes!

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It's your lucky day! I'm allowing everyone who purchases today a 20% introductory offer discount off from the 'soon to be' regular price of the eBook.

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AUTHOR CREDIT

TigressLuv, The Break Up Guru, has been writing on breakups and narcissism since the 1980's.

Visit her website at: http://www.tigressluv.com

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