With high hopes, you primp and preen ready to meet your man. He is charming, shows a real interest in you and your feelings. OK, he doesn't always return calls which has already made you start wondering whether he is as interested as he claims. And there have been times you have found yourself wondering why you are the only one to call, apologise and make an effort. But he has been busy. Nevertheless, you try to bring it up one evening. That went so well for you. You ended up stranded because you failed to apologise for upsetting him by suggesting he had done anything that was less than perfect and for not promptly apologising. You are already finding that sorry is the most used word in your vocabulary. You apologise for him shouting at you for not being honest, even though you are expressing your opinions, you apologise for bleeding and embarrassing him by tripping and cutting your knee. Hell, you are apologising for having curly hair.

But he tells you you are perfect so these are only minor set backs. He tells you weeks after you met him, just how much he loves you and how you are the only woman he had ever wanted to marry. He talks about the children you will have and the home you will share. He parades you around like a trophy and you feel on top of the world.

The date for the wedding is set. Its safe to find a place together. You move in, but the lease is only in his name. You find yourself paying for all the homely things and food. Its OK though because this is about the two of you, right?

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....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist!

The narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order to keep you in the relationship. Click here to read 'Breaking Up With a Narcissist' by Tigress Luv

Soon you start to feel that he is losing interest. He finds fault in everything you wear, your friends, your hobbies, your job, your abilities. You start to wonder whether you are good enough and redouble your efforts to regain his opinion of you. You liked the pedestal but you have fallen from grace.

He once thought you were intelligent. Now you are stupid. Once you were independent, now you are clingy. Hell, once you were sexy, now you are a sack of potatoes compared to the 'bitches' he stares at and flirts with. You start to wonder whether you are good enough for him at all.

Before long you dread going out, because he dictates what you wear, shouts you down in public, humiliates you in front of your friends and family and belittles you in front of his. He treats you more like a puppet. Calls you little one and himself the boss. You get home dreading the feedback. You were showing off, you were flirting.

He is an accountant but is there really any need to check your credit card bill? Hell, he opens your post before you have chance to object. But, hey you are a couple now so openess is fine. So why is it his personal life is well, so personal?

You have given up your male friends, broken of contact with ex boyfriends and censored you social circle. He, however, rants if you so much as question where he goes.

The notion of marriage, children and a home of your own appears to have dissappeared. Yet you continue playing home. 'If you could just sort out your anger issues, if you can just lose a few pounds, when you have stopped pressuring me, we can get married' But the list grows and grows.. Finally, he tells you when you are getting married. You are pregnant and relieved. Then it happens. he says he needs space. He says you are boring and controlling and angry. He hurls accusations. You know they are not true. You are honest and trustworthy, you are not stupid or selfish. You do invest every penny in the love bank.

He says he isn't ready to commit to you and tells you he wants you to end the pregnancy. You stand up for yourself and you are shot down in flames. The sexy videos you made are used to bring you into line. Then there are threats.

Now you face the toughest part. Your self esteem is shattered, you are pregnant and homeless unless you demean yourself by permitting him to sexually abuse you. He treats you like an object and has no regard for you. You have fallen from grace. You are wholly dependent on his whim.

He has told you you can't have a relationship, you are unloving, cruel, angry, emotionally unavailable, immature and not worthy of him. But is this really you?

The perfect image he had of you was not of you at all. It was an image of him. The image he now see's is the hidden one beneath his skin not yours.

He is the narcissist, the abuser, the controller, the manipulator who has taken your soul, your very essence and discarding his sheepskin to reveal a demonic figure. That is what he sees in you now. He sees his true self.

This is the story of a cruel destructive man who showed no mercy or compassion for the person he claimed to love or the unborn child he killed by his physical torture. This is my story.

AUTHOR CREDIT

nottingham irish

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