Cheating narcissists often use manipulation, lies, and self-centered tactics that leave their partners feeling isolated and questioning reality.
So, what do cheating narcissist do at home after cheating?
This article dives into their typical behaviors, the cover-up tactics they employ, and the toll on their partners. Recognizing these patterns is a powerful first step in reclaiming your emotional well-being.
What is the behavior of a narcissist when they return home after cheating?
When a narcissist returns home after cheating, they may act unusually charming, giving gifts or extra attention to cover up their guilt. Alternatively, they might be distant or irritable, projecting blame onto their partner to deflect suspicion. If confronted, they often lie, minimize their actions, or accuse their partner of being paranoid or untrusting.
What happens to a narcissist when they get caught?
When a narcissist gets caught, they often react with denial, defensiveness, or anger. They may deflect blame, lie, or try to manipulate the situation to avoid accountability. If these tactics fail, some might show feigned remorse to regain control, but genuine accountability is rare.
Understanding the Mindset of a Cheating Narcissist
For a narcissist, cheating often isn’t about the usual reasons most people might think of, like issues in the relationship. Instead, it typically revolves around their own self-centered needs. Narcissists are often driven by an unending desire for admiration and validation. They feel entitled to do whatever makes them feel good, regardless of the pain it may cause others.
Cheating offers them a rush and a boost to their ego. They may lack empathy for their partner’s feelings, viewing the relationship as a transaction where their own needs come first. For narcissists, being unfaithful is less about the other person and more about feeding their insatiable need for attention.
What Drives Narcissists to Cheat?
Narcissists cheat for several reasons, most of which are rooted in their personality traits and need for validation. Here are some of the primary motivations:
- Control and Power: Narcissists thrive on control, and cheating provides a sense of power over their partner.
- Boredom: They often get bored quickly in relationships, especially when the attention on them fades. New affairs add excitement to their lives.
- Ego Boost: Being with multiple partners feeds their self-esteem, making them feel desirable and admired.
- Fear of Intimacy: True intimacy can be frightening for narcissists because it exposes their vulnerabilities. Cheating allows them to maintain a safe distance emotionally.
Behavioral Patterns of Cheating Narcissists at Home
When a narcissist cheats, their behavior at home often changes, even if subtly. Here are some common signs:
- Distant and Aloof: They might become more detached, both physically and emotionally, to avoid vulnerability.
- Evasive Responses: They dodge questions about their whereabouts or recent activities.
- Lack of Genuine Affection: Narcissists often withhold affection or express it only when they want something in return.
Covering Up the Cheating
To avoid being caught, narcissists become highly strategic in covering their tracks. They may engage in:
- Deception: Creating fake narratives or excuses to explain their time away from home.
- Erasing Digital Footprints: Deleting messages, clearing call logs, or using private browsing modes.
- Unusual Excuses for Absences: They might claim they need “alone time” or have important “work projects” to tend to.
These tactics are part of the narcissist’s arsenal to maintain secrecy while continuing their deceptive behavior.
Deflection and Blame Shifting
One of the most common strategies narcissists use to deflect suspicion is to shift the blame onto their partner. When questioned, they might accuse their partner of being paranoid or controlling. Common deflection tactics include:
- Gaslighting: Convincing their partner that their suspicions are baseless or “crazy.”
- Reverse Accusations: Accusing their partner of being unfaithful or overly jealous.
- Downplaying Concerns: Making their partner feel guilty for even questioning their behavior.
By deflecting blame, the narcissist ensures that their partner feels off-balance and unsure of what’s real.
Manipulation and Gaslighting at Home
Gaslighting is a powerful tool for narcissists. When they cheat, they use it to warp their partner’s perception of reality, making them question their own judgment. For example:
- Denying Conversations: Narcissists might insist they never said or did something they clearly did, leaving their partner confused.
- Altering Memories: They might twist past events to make the partner feel at fault or as though they misinterpreted situations.
- Feigning Innocence: They act bewildered at accusations, making the partner doubt their suspicions.
How Cheating Affects the Narcissist’s Behavior at Home
After infidelity, narcissists may display heightened emotions and mood swings. This could include:
- Increased Hostility: They become easily angered or annoyed by trivial matters.
- Erratic Behavior: Frequent changes in demeanor can make it challenging to predict how they’ll act.
- Fake Apologies: In rare moments, they might “apologize,” but only to maintain control or manipulate the partner further.
This unpredictability is designed to keep their partner off-guard, enhancing their control.
Testing Boundaries with Their Partner
Cheating narcissists often test how much they can get away with in a relationship. By pushing boundaries, they gauge their partner’s tolerance for their behavior:
- Testing Reactions: They might flirt with others in front of their partner to see their response.
- Lying About Minor Things: This helps determine if their partner will confront them or let things slide.
- Escalating Behavior: If the partner doesn’t confront minor infractions, the narcissist may escalate to more significant betrayals.
Using Technology to Their Advantage
Narcissists are adept at using technology to hide evidence and deceive their partner. Common methods include:
- Using Private Messaging Apps: To keep conversations secret.
- Creating Fake Accounts: This lets them engage with new partners without fear of being caught.
- Controlling Social Media: They may block their partner from seeing certain posts or interactions that might raise questions.
Seeking Validation at Home
After cheating, narcissists often crave reassurance and validation from their partner, an ironic twist considering their unfaithfulness. They may demand praise, affection, or support, insisting that their needs be met even as they ignore their partner’s emotions.
False Promises and Temporary “Good Behavior”
When caught or questioned, narcissists might make grand promises of change or briefly improve their behavior. However, these changes are often temporary, lasting just long enough to ease suspicion or regain control. They might:
- Promise Counseling: Suggesting they’ll seek help to work on the relationship.
- Act Extra Attentive: Doing favors or showering their partner with compliments.
- Make Vague Commitments: Promising “things will get better” without a concrete plan.
Setting the Stage for Future Cheating
Many narcissists lay the groundwork for future affairs, even while supposedly repairing the relationship. This could involve keeping contacts with old flings or subtly interacting with potential new partners.
Signs That Cheating Narcissists May Slip Up at Home
Even the most careful narcissists can make mistakes that reveal their deception. Watch for these warning signs:
- Unusual Routines: Sudden changes in their daily habits or frequent, unexplained absences.
- Odd Phone Behavior: Guarding their phone, frequent texting, or taking calls in private.
- Inconsistencies in Stories: When their explanations don’t line up with past statements or reality.
Emotional Toll on the Partner
The behavior of a cheating narcissist can take a severe toll on their partner’s mental health, leading to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and confusion. Many partners find themselves questioning their worth, becoming overly cautious, or isolating themselves out of fear of further betrayal.
Coping and Reclaiming Stability
Dealing with a cheating narcissist is challenging, but there are ways to cope and regain control:
- Setting Boundaries: Make it clear what behavior you will and will not tolerate.
- Seeking Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist to process your emotions.
- Focusing on Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote mental and physical well-being.
FAQs
- How do you tell if a narcissist is cheating? Look for signs like sudden secretiveness, unexplained absences, and dismissive behavior.
- Why do narcissists cheat on their partners? Narcissists often cheat due to boredom, need for validation, and a sense of entitlement.
- Do narcissists feel guilty after cheating? Most narcissists lack genuine remorse, seeing cheating as a means to an end.
- Can narcissists ever be faithful? It’s rare, as narcissists’ relationships are often driven by self-interest.
- What are common gaslighting tactics narcissists use? Denying conversations, altering memories, and feigning innocence are typical gaslighting techniques.
- How can I protect myself from a cheating narcissist? Set clear boundaries, seek support, and prioritize self-care to maintain emotional resilience.
Conclusion
Being with a cheating narcissist is emotionally challenging and often leaves partners questioning their worth. When caught cheating, a narcissist often reacts with anger and defensiveness. They may lash out, accuse you of invading their privacy, or become hostile to intimidate you into backing down.
Recognizing the manipulative behaviors and setting boundaries can help regain control. Remember, focusing on your well-being and reaching out for support are essential steps toward healing.
Robert Wilson is a former narcissist who transformed his life through deep self-reflection and personal growth. His journey led him to study narcissism, mental health, and human psychology in depth, gaining expertise in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
His work focuses on raising awareness, educating others, and providing insights into overcoming narcissistic behaviors, making him a respected voice in the field of personality disorders and mental health.